Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers

 lack a sense of humor.

 

P = The problem logged by the pilot.

S = The solution and action recorded by the engineers.

 

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

 

P: Test flight OK, except autoland very rough.
S: Autoland not installed on this aircraft.

 

P: No. 2 propeller seeping prop fluid.
S: No. 2 propeller seepage normal. Nos. 1, 3 and 4 propellers
lack normal seepage.

 

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

 

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on backorder.

 

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200-fpm descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

 

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

 

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

 

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for!

 

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

 

P: Suspected crack in windscreen.
S: Suspect you're right.

 

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

 

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

 

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with words.

 

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.